Posted on October 27, 2020
Believe it or not, October is almost over. Even though it still feels like it’s May to some of us, the end of the month does represent one good thing:
I know you’ve probably hit the point in your life where you no longer go out trick-or-treating, but that doesn’t mean you’re not able to enjoy some candy on October 31st (and the weeks before and after).
In fact, being too old to trick-or-treat has it benefits.
Instead of putting on your Kevin Love Timberwolves jersey and going house to house trying to convince homeowners that a 13-year-old is dressed up as a basketball player, you get to stay at home, turn off your porch lights, and eat your favorite candy without having to ask strangers for it.
This year is unique because Pac-12 football will be returning one week after the holiday. More people may be excited for their favorite football players than their go-to candy bar at the end of October.
I decided we shouldn’t have to choose between those two greats things. In my version of trick-or-treating, you get candy and Cougar football players.
No better team is a fit for this idea than WSU, whose head coach shares a nickname with one of the most under-appreciated candies out there. Just like Rolos, WSU’s head coach outperforms his expectations.
Nick Rolovich — Rolos
Rolos are surprisingly good, although a lot of people do not mention them in the same conversation as some of the elite candy. Rolovich is going to surprise a lot of people in his first year as the Cougar coach and will stake his claim as a top coach in the Conference.
No other Cougar-to-candy comparisons are as apt as Rolo and Rolos, but there are still some good fits.
Max Borghi — Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
This one is pretty obvious.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the undisputed best Halloween candy and Max Borghi is the best player at WSU.
It goes beyond just that comparison though. No one is ever disappointed by eating a Reese’s, they are great literally all the time (unless you have a peanut allergy, but even then you might just have to take the risk).
Borghi also does not disappoint. He has yet to record less than 50 total yards as a starter and is one of the Pac-12’s most dangerous weapons as a runner or as a receiver.
Just as Borghi can be used all over the offense, Reese’s are incredibly versatile. They come in so many different variations, including pieces, small cups, big cups, and bars.
Any house that is handing out Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups is the Max Borghi of the neighborhood.
Jahad Woods — Crunch Bar
While a Crunch Bar is probably not anybody’s favorite candy, it is by no means bad. And Woods has been anything but bad in the middle of the WSU defense.
When Woods is on the field, crunch is a common sound you hear from the stands.
He crunched a lot last year, racking up 141 tackles, 73 of them solo tackles. He finished second in the Pac-12 in total tackles, proving to be one of the best defenders in the Conference.
Cammon Cooper — Starbursts
The thing that ties Cooper and Starbursts is their unpredictability.
When you open one of those Starbursts two-packs you never know what you are going to get. You could get a really good flavor, or you could get yellow.
There is a lot of uncertainty this year surrounding Cooper, who seems like the frontrunner to win the starting quarterback job. He has yet to throw a pass at the collegiate level, so when he steps on the field fans will not know what to expect.
The odds are you will enjoy whatever combination you get from a Starbursts pack so hopefully the same goes for Cooper.
Will Rodgers III — Snickers
Snickers is by far the heartiest of all candies. Its combination of peanuts, nougat, caramel, and chocolate is probably the only candy bar you could eat for a meal and your dentist would not instantly murder you.
The Snickers of this WSU team is undoubtedly Rodgers. He has been a consistent force on the defensive line for years now.
He has 14 tackles for loss and eight sacks in his Cougar career, further solidifying him as the leader up front. His play is not only the backbone of the defensive line, but the peanuts, nougat, caramel, and chocolate of the whole team.
Liam Ryan and Abe Lucas — Left and Right Twix
In spite of its very extensive marketing campaign, I still can’t tell the difference between left and right Twix (I am almost convinced that there is not one).
Although you can clearly tell the difference between Ryan and Lucas, they both play at a high level on the offensive line. Each player locks down their side of the line particularly well, something the next quarterback will appreciate as much as a Twix.
Just like left and right Twix, these two guys are set on their current sides and will not be switched.
Travell Harris — Kit Kat
The whole point of a Kit Kat is to break it and eat it. The whole point of Harris on the field is to break ankles and score touchdowns.
Harris makes defenders miss as easily as the chocolate-covered wafers come apart, which is to say very easy.
He proved himself as a great wide receiver, scoring five touchdowns last year, while also excelling as one of the best kick returners in the Conference. Harris earned an AP second-team All-Pac-12 spot at kick returner after finishing as an honorable mention the year before.
Kit Kat’s are one of the most exciting candies you can see in the pillowcase you use to collect candy. The bright red wrapper means you have something to look forward to later, just like a Harris kick return.
Blake Mazza — Hershey’s Bar
Reliable, dependable, consistent, gets the job done. Am I talking about Mazza or a Hershey’s Bar? Trick question, it’s both.
Mazza only missed one field goal and two extra points in 2019, making over 96 percent of his total kicks. He was one of the top kickers in the country and was named a finalist for the Lou Groza Award, given to the nation’s top kicker.
Hershey’s Bars are not flashy or glamorous, just like kickers, but you know what you are going to get when you unwrap one. The same thing goes for Mazza, when he lines up for a kick, you know it is going in.
Willie Taylor — Caramel Apple Pops
Neither Taylor nor Caramel Apple Pops get the respect they deserve.
Taylor may not have eye-popping stats, but his talent is evident on the field. He has recorded six sacks, 11 tackles for loss, four forced fumbles, and one interception in his two years as a Cougar.
Still, people overlook Taylor when discussing some of the best players on the team or even the defense.
Caramel Apple Pops are the most underrated candy. People often forget about those when discussing candy, but they are one of the best things to be handed out on Halloween.
Maybe 2020 will not be a big year for Caramel Apple Pops, but Taylor is set for a breakout season this year.
Everybody on UW — Candy Corn
They are just the worst.
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